At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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