I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
