His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
