This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
