WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
