Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
