He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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