i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize