I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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