all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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