No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize