She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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