last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
