The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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