My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
