he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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