there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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