You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
