12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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