woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
