dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
