I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
