"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
