my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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