Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
