this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
