i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bring me that man meat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
