Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
