you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
