Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
