You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
