I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize