He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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