you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
