we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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