Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
