I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize