Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
