It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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