Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
