she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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