This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
