I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
