I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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