We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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