My room smells like vodka and shame
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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