guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
