I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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