I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
