Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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