he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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