oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
