ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
