Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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