Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize