My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
