I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
