got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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