And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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