Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
