Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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