I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
North Korea, Best Korea!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
