I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
