1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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