sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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