Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
