I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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