You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize