Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
