i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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