You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
