Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
