You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
