Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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