So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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