Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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