I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
