what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize