Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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