weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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